Trisha | Twenty-two | LA<3
Sometimes it’s harder to be strong than to be weak and fragile. Being strong means that you won’t let anything affect you, get to your head, and change who you are. I’ve always chosen to be strong but it does have it’s downfalls. It’s not easy to just say how you feel at any moment, hoping that someone else will understand. It’s not easy bottling things up inside and never complaining even though something is bothering you deep down inside. And it’s not easy to fight back the tears and all the emotions when all you really want to do is break down and cry. The strongest ones they say have the biggest hearts, the most intelligent minds, and souls that never grow old or give up traveling. So be kind to those you meet, not everyone likes to show or express their battles. Just a thought.
Everyone says “let it go” and forget it ever happened so you can move on with your life. But it’s not always easy, to just pretend like it never existed and that nothing happened. I’d like to think that some of the things that constantly evade my mind aren’t prohibiting me from anything. In fact, it’s making me better. It reminds me of who I am and what I’ve endured so far in life. And it definitely keeps me grounded. My mind may be a little hazy at times, but I think it’s worth it. With every minor setback is a major comeback and I will overcome it all, just you wait and see.
Be proud of who you are, who you’ve become and what you’ve done.
Things I need to remind myself every day.
I’ve worked my way to the top. I have struggled along the way but I’ve worked my hardest to get to where I am today. But what I don’t understand is why some people can’t be happy for me, why they can’t just give me the same respect that I have for them and be proud of me, or even just acknowledge that I’ve done well and they appreciate me for who I am and what I’ve done. Affirmations have stopped, everyone else is just so egotistical and selfish around me. & what hurts me the most is that I feel so taken for granted and unappreciated by so many. And no one deserves this, any of this. I’ve said my peace and have done everything that I could possibly do to change things and continued to hope for the better. But it’s honestly too late. I’m ready to move onto the next chapter in my life and succeed even more, to say f*ck you to all the haters and those who didn’t appreciate me when I was there in their lives. So for now, this is me saying goodbye to everything that I once knew and used to hope for. Everything has changed around me and I don’t like it at all. I’ve made up my mind and I honestly don’t care as much as I used to. What’s done is done. It can no longer be changed. So thank you for this experience, for making me realize so much about myself and everything around me. You, for that matter will no longer be missed. I’m done with all of this.
I hate when people compare what I have to what you have.. Because what you have is nothing close to what I possess. You may not see what I see, but everyone else around me does.. The people closest to me understands and that’s what matters the most to me. I don’t care what other people say because they only see surface levels of the truth and those who talk their mouths don’t really know me and anything about what I have. What I have is real and it took it’s time to get to the way it is right now. I didn’t rush into anything, everything kind of happened on it’s own and took time. A lot of things happened in between and a lot of people don’t even know that part of the story, so they shouldn’t be running their mouths and saying that they’re right because they’re obviously wrong. It’s just irritating to hear them compare me to you, when for one I am nothing like you. Not even close it. And secondly, whatever happened to me is completely the opposite of what happened to you. I have my own opinions to these things but I just never say it out loud because I mind my own business and do whatever I please.
My future is looking pretty bright. I regained the hope that I thought I lost and left behind. The options are endless but now I just have to finish strong. Keep pushing through even the toughest times and stay optimistic. & I promise to never give up. I’ve got a lot of time. Taking a year off to find myself and challenge myself was probably one of the best decisions that I’ve made.
But for now, it’s time to make reckless and spontaneous decisions. To have fun and enjoy every single moment that I have left here in irvine.. Because who knows what the future holds. Spring quarter, I’m ready for ya! Ready for all the crazy, wild adventures, busy schedule and more of my “last” moments that I know I’ll surely miss. Here’s to a fun-filled, eventful and amazing last quarter at UCI.
I promise to not let the past affect me. Whatever happened yesterday, months ago, or even a year or two ago.. Is long gone. I do not regret anything because I am who I am today for many reasons. What really matters is who I am today and who I will be tomorrow and the day after that. I must learn to let go and accept the past for what it was. Onto bigger, better things. Things that make me happy and everything worthwhile.
I’m beyond excited, I finally get to see two of my favorite artists perform their acoustic sets live in a more intimate setting. I’ve been waiting for this and it’s finally happening. And I’m so glad that I get to share these moments with someone special(:
Just a few more months, I really can’t wait.
Sometimes I live in my head, replaying moments over and over in my mind. Both the good ones and the bad. When I see someone, hear or see something that reminds me of something whether good or bad… I instantly revert to a moment in the past that reminds me of why things are a certain way, why things aren’t the same anymore and never will be, and why some things just hurt. It just takes a second or two for me to realize something that I probably didn’t see the first time around, for me to remember everything and in an instant everything changes even if it’s for a split second. It’s a dangerous thing, being able to remember some things that shouldn’t even be there but it’s still in the back of my mind. Just lingering. Waiting to be remembered all over again.
I just want it all to go away. It does more harm than good really. It ruins special moments and reminds me of something that is so irrelevant now. Funny how my mind works sometimes.
Why is it that the people we love the most are the same ones who hurt us the most? Is it because we’re so vulnerable, letting down our walls and letting them into a part of our lives that only a few are lucky enough to see? Is it because they matter the most, therefore the pain is much more deep and hurts the most because we care so much and can’t help it? Or is it because we give them a part of ourselves that we already know isn’t going to ever be returned, and think that they’re never going to hurt us.. But when they disappoint you it just hurts more? Or is it because we set up certain expectations and hope that they comply with what we’d like to see?
I wish I was never afraid of doing something that I’ve always to do or saying something that I’ve been dying to say but the words just never seemed right. I’m not that courageous and bold.
Sometimes I just wish that I was fearless.
Let go of the past. Live in the moment. Worry less about the future. The three things that I will continue to keep in mind throughout the year. A few other things that I need to remember is to keep on dreaming and believing in myself because one day, I promise I’ll become who I want to be with nothing holding me back, I’ll finally be where I want to be and loving every single minute of my life. I’m one step closer to my dreams.
Hello to the future.
2013, you were so good to me. I definitely think it was one of the best years of my life so far. It was “my year” and everything that I could possibly ever want and dream of, happened. It took time and patience to get to where I am today. A lot of hard work, dedication and learning to be stronger every day. It was a year of growth and maturity. It did have it’s ups and downs but honestly, I can only recall all of the wonderful memories because it definitely precedes the rest. I am most certainly thankful and blessed for the amazing people in my life who motivate me to become a better person everyday and those who constantly believed in me and my potential. There’s honestly nothing more I could possibly ever ask for. I am beyond content, beyond happy regardless of the immense changes that are going to take place within the next year or so. So you did not disappoint me at all 2013, you were simply amazing to me. But I’m ready to let go of the past and continue moving forward to the future. 2014 will be the year I graduate college and move onto bigger, better things and I know it. Here’s to the next chapter of my life, the next stepping stone to even greater success and happiness. Cheers 🍻 I’m only hoping for the best. For it has yet to come.
"You’re an adult now, you have to make your own decisions." - This keeps repeating in my head over and over again. I’ve made up my mind about something, I’m just not ready to face the truth. Not yet at least. I thought that I already went through the hardest parts but I guess I was wrong, it’s just getting harder every time. I have to make my own decisions now, I know that some will be harder than others and require more time and patience but I hope it will lead me down the right path. I just know that every decision that I do make will have an impact on something else. I’m still learning, I suppose. I’m just hoping you’ll understand and learn to respect the decisions that I do make. I’m growing up, I’m not that naive little girl anymore. I’ve got so much more ahead of me, so many goals and dreams that I’d like to accomplish, and so many more obstacles that I will have to face.
It’s just scary, it’s too much to take all at once. I don’t think I’m ready yet.
The more I think about it, I realize how much I don’t want to grow up. I’m not ready to grow up at all. Reality is slowly starting to set in and it’s getting to my head. It’s starting to hit me more and more every day… Time is going by so quickly. It’s like every time I blink, time is moving so fast and next thing you know the whole year will be over.
Can I just live in this moment, forever and ever? I love how my life is right now and I don’t want it to change. That’s what scares me the most, just thinking about how even a year from now nothing will ever be the same. Everything is going to change and the thing is, I won’t be able to stop it.
But all I know is that, no matter what happens in the future.. Wherever I will end up going and whatever I end up doing, I just know that I want you. I always will. That’s the one thing I’m so certain of and I don’t want that to change. I may not know what the future holds, but I want you in it <3