Trisha | Twenty-one | UCI | LA<3
I promise to not let the past affect me. Whatever happened yesterday, months ago, or even a year or two ago.. Is long gone. I do not regret anything because I am who I am today for many reasons. What really matters is who I am today and who I will be tomorrow and the day after that. I must learn to let go and accept the past for what it was. Onto bigger, better things. Things that make me happy and everything worthwhile.
I’m beyond excited, I finally get to see two of my favorite artists perform their acoustic sets live in a more intimate setting. I’ve been waiting for this and it’s finally happening. And I’m so glad that I get to share these moments with someone special(:
Just a few more months, I really can’t wait.
Sometimes I live in my head, replaying moments over and over in my mind. Both the good ones and the bad. When I see someone, hear or see something that reminds me of something whether good or bad… I instantly revert to a moment in the past that reminds me of why things are a certain way, why things aren’t the same anymore and never will be, and why some things just hurt. It just takes a second or two for me to realize something that I probably didn’t see the first time around, for me to remember everything and in an instant everything changes even if it’s for a split second. It’s a dangerous thing, being able to remember some things that shouldn’t even be there but it’s still in the back of my mind. Just lingering. Waiting to be remembered all over again.
I just want it all to go away. It does more harm than good really. It ruins special moments and reminds me of something that is so irrelevant now. Funny how my mind works sometimes.
Why is it that the people we love the most are the same ones who hurt us the most? Is it because we’re so vulnerable, letting down our walls and letting them into a part of our lives that only a few are lucky enough to see? Is it because they matter the most, therefore the pain is much more deep and hurts the most because we care so much and can’t help it? Or is it because we give them a part of ourselves that we already know isn’t going to ever be returned, and think that they’re never going to hurt us.. But when they disappoint you it just hurts more? Or is it because we set up certain expectations and hope that they comply with what we’d like to see?
I wish I was never afraid of doing something that I’ve always to do or saying something that I’ve been dying to say but the words just never seemed right. I’m not that courageous and bold.
Sometimes I just wish that I was fearless.
Let go of the past. Live in the moment. Worry less about the future. The three things that I will continue to keep in mind throughout the year. A few other things that I need to remember is to keep on dreaming and believing in myself because one day, I promise I’ll become who I want to be with nothing holding me back, I’ll finally be where I want to be and loving every single minute of my life. I’m one step closer to my dreams.
Hello to the future.
2013, you were so good to me. I definitely think it was one of the best years of my life so far. It was “my year” and everything that I could possibly ever want and dream of, happened. It took time and patience to get to where I am today. A lot of hard work, dedication and learning to be stronger every day. It was a year of growth and maturity. It did have it’s ups and downs but honestly, I can only recall all of the wonderful memories because it definitely precedes the rest. I am most certainly thankful and blessed for the amazing people in my life who motivate me to become a better person everyday and those who constantly believed in me and my potential. There’s honestly nothing more I could possibly ever ask for. I am beyond content, beyond happy regardless of the immense changes that are going to take place within the next year or so. So you did not disappoint me at all 2013, you were simply amazing to me. But I’m ready to let go of the past and continue moving forward to the future. 2014 will be the year I graduate college and move onto bigger, better things and I know it. Here’s to the next chapter of my life, the next stepping stone to even greater success and happiness. Cheers 🍻 I’m only hoping for the best. For it has yet to come.
"You’re an adult now, you have to make your own decisions." - This keeps repeating in my head over and over again. I’ve made up my mind about something, I’m just not ready to face the truth. Not yet at least. I thought that I already went through the hardest parts but I guess I was wrong, it’s just getting harder every time. I have to make my own decisions now, I know that some will be harder than others and require more time and patience but I hope it will lead me down the right path. I just know that every decision that I do make will have an impact on something else. I’m still learning, I suppose. I’m just hoping you’ll understand and learn to respect the decisions that I do make. I’m growing up, I’m not that naive little girl anymore. I’ve got so much more ahead of me, so many goals and dreams that I’d like to accomplish, and so many more obstacles that I will have to face.
It’s just scary, it’s too much to take all at once. I don’t think I’m ready yet.
The more I think about it, I realize how much I don’t want to grow up. I’m not ready to grow up at all. Reality is slowly starting to set in and it’s getting to my head. It’s starting to hit me more and more every day… Time is going by so quickly. It’s like every time I blink, time is moving so fast and next thing you know the whole year will be over.
Can I just live in this moment, forever and ever? I love how my life is right now and I don’t want it to change. That’s what scares me the most, just thinking about how even a year from now nothing will ever be the same. Everything is going to change and the thing is, I won’t be able to stop it.
But all I know is that, no matter what happens in the future.. Wherever I will end up going and whatever I end up doing, I just know that I want you. I always will. That’s the one thing I’m so certain of and I don’t want that to change. I may not know what the future holds, but I want you in it <3
I get easily attached. To people that I grow to love with all of my heart, to things that make me happy, to ideas that fascinate me, to places that bring me wonder and awe, and to everything in between. Life’s so beautiful. I can’t help but get stuck in a moment and constantly want to just relive it over and over again.
Sometimes people forget, they always do..
& I feel like all we really want is someone who wouldn’t forget, someone who would remember it all. Doesn’t seem too much to ask for, right?
It’s the little things, you know..
This past week alone has been an emotional roller coaster for me. But it has definitely taught me a lot and made me realize things that I wouldn’t have appreciated before till all of this happened. Have you ever wanted something so badly, only to have it fall apart right before your eyes? But then realized that you didn’t appreciate it till it was gone or taken away from you… I felt that way and for so long, I was trying to hold onto something that I knew I had to let go even if it meant letting go of it for only a little while. I had to learn to be strong and be selfish for once, I had to learn to think of myself and my happiness before I worried about everyone else’s. I had to learn to let go for the better, to let things fall apart on its own instead of focusing on trying to make things better because clearly some of these instances were beyond my control. Now that the problem was solved and decisions were made, I had some time to really reflect on the entire situation and realized so much more. Words can’t justify emotions, they can merely express how one truly feels. For awhile, I was afraid to say how I feel because that meant admitting my mistakes, my fears, my worries, and unnecessary thoughts. Not until I finally opened my eyes to realize that I was worrying too much and letting things affect me so much did everything become so much clearer. I was inspired this weekend to do so much more, to fight for my dreams and what I really wanted, to rekindle things about myself that I always tried to hide or pushed aside because I never thought that I was good enough, to reflect upon who I am and who I want to be one day in the future. And I did. Something about me is different, but it’s a good different. The kind that changes you for the better and motivates you to become an even better version of yourself. So from now on till the time is right again, I promise to only better myself and to be the best version of myself every single day. I promise to set my priorities, to figure my life out, to set my goals and find any possible way to achieve them. I’m just so thankful to have you in my life to inspire me to be selfish for once and think solely of myself instead of worrying so much about everything else. I know it may not make sense but I know that only you will understand. Your considerate and thoughtful nature has proven to me that this is real. It always has and always will be.
While you venture into the world and grow individually, I promise to do the same. Who knows what the universe has in store for us, but thank you for reminding me that somehow it always brings us together in the end. Even if it will test our patience and everything in between, I always know it’s worth it. It can only get better from here, I know it.
It just amazes me how somehow you always prove me wrong and still find different ways to show me that your feelings for me are real. Even from hundreds of miles away, I can feel it all the way from here. Whenever I’m starting to have doubts or experience moments of weakness, I swear you have perfect timing and rescue me from it all. It’s like you just know, without even having to see me or hear my voice that there’s something wrong and find the perfect time to just make it all better instantaneously. It’s as simple as that but the impact that you have on me is tremendous. I’m forever changed by you. Even if we don’t talk to each other all of the time or as much as we used to before, even if I probably won’t be able to see you for maybe another month, or even if our busy schedules never seem to match.. they can’t take what’s ours. They can’t change the way that I feel about you. I don’t regret the decision that I made to be with you one bit. I know that it seems as if we’re being tested right now but you reminded me to just take things day by day and smile just knowing that I have everything that I could ever ask for. And you’re right, I should just be thankful that I have someone as amazing as you in my life. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I really wouldn’t. I’m just counting the days till I can see you again and remember why the wait is worthwhile. It just hurts, missing you too much the way that I do. I’ve learned so much from my past and have used it to better myself and the way that I used to look at things. Everyday is a challenge, that I’ll admit but at the end of the day just being able to talk to you reminds me that it’s worth every second even those that I spend away from you. So thank you, for always believing in me, for always giving me the strength and courage that I need, for always making me smile even during the hardest times, for putting up with me and my various moods, and for loving me for all that I am.
People often overlook the simple things in life and don’t take the time to stop and smell the roses. They don’t have the patience to just reflect upon things and just be thankful. Instead of enjoying the moment, we worry so much about the future concerning the things we have to do in so little time. Instead of focusing on the present state, we look back to our past and try to compare it to the way that things are now. Or we let the fear of the unexpected future succumb our minds and change the way we feel about things. I’ve been trying to change this about my everyday life because I realized recently that I’ve been guilty of doing this all. I let my fears and worries get the best of me sometimes. I let unnecessary thoughts take over my mind and alter my moods. Instead of just basking in the moment and taking it all in, I do the complete opposite and stress over every little thing especially the things that I cannot control. I let it affect me so much and I hate it. I dislike how much it changes me and ruins everything. I never seem to have faith in myself and I am constantly so hard on myself. But this, I must work on and change. I need to break out of these bad habits and truly appreciate the little things in life. I need to do this before I start to lose control and slowly lose myself along the way.
Let’s take it day by day, tackling only one thing at a time instead of trying to do everything all at once. It is true when they say that it’s the simple things in life that we forget. We shouldn’t let this happen. We should always be thankful and humble.